Thursday, 8 December 2011

Door to door.

There are a number of things about door-to-door that irritate me. I can understand that people just need ANY kind of work (especially given the current financial climate), but seriously, just stop. In the last 2 weeks, we've had a number of D2D's.

The first was a Jehovah's Witness. Don't start on me. I am a Christian, but only in a 'last resort' sort of way. ALL logic points to no God whatsoever, but just in case, eh? I was raised a catholic but detest many of the things catholicism stands for. I want to use condoms when I have sex so that I don't get the girl pregnant! Helps with stopping STI's too, but I'd like to think I know the lass well enough by the time I have her legs wrapped around my waist. This ties in with the notion that I want to have sex with a lass before I marry her. Surely EVERYONE does? I mean, why would you want to be with a girl that's a shite shag for several decades? A chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. That's what my lass will be. It's little wonder I have no missus at the moment to be honest!! Re: other catholic objections: Abortion should be the choice of the woman (or the couple, if the woman is considerate and wasn't raped) and homophobia in this day and age is just soooooooooo gay!!

Getting back to the Jehovah's Witness (He said the name of the Lord!! STONE HIM!!!), I quite like Christmas and my birthday marks a very important day for medical advancement as well as being a reminder of my age. I should NOT be alive, but thanks to the doctors and nurses of Queen's Park Hospital in Blackburn (now bastardised as the 'Blackburn Royal Hospital') I am partially deaf rather than stone cold dead. Upon the words 'Do you love your God, Sir?', I slammed the door shut (we have a Christmas holly wreath on the door, I hope it scratched him) and thought of the following image that had me and Dobbie revelling in the accuracy of it's implications:

Another D2D we had was a charity-collector. Now, again, I appreciate the aims of these people. And I would only be too happy to contribute some unneeded copper to their noble cause. But do not interrupt my tea, under any circumstances when I have been working on a 6000 word piece of coursework and pulled an all-nighter just to sort out the statistics of it. I was grumpy, tired as hell and just wanted to shove my chips and gravy (wrapped in 'vintage' newspaper for some reason, rather than the modernised and more useful greaseproof paper) in my face, then go to sleep. At those moments 'Cancer Research' isn't my priority (although I hasten to add that I absolutely support the work of such charities when I'm awake).

Finally (and this is beautifully poetic) we had a D2D selling hearing aids. This time I wasn't annoyed, but enjoyed a lengthy conversation with him. Although I wasn't buying anything, I suspect he was happy to stand in the warmth of my porch for 15mins rather than stand in the freezing harsh Northern wind. I got around to asking how he was getting on in terms of business and he said it was about as good as it could be. When I asked what he meant by this, he responded:

'We get a fair few people interested, but the trouble is......the ones we REALLY want business from never hear the doorbell.'

And that, my friends, is how to enjoy the most dull, mundane, weather-braving of jobs. Find the funnies in everything you do.

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